I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize