So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
