I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
