hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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