were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
