Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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