She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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