you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize