Where did you get a picture of my penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wear drunk well.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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