he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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