A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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