I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
