yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
