fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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