thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
