I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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