you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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