Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
