ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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