He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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