SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
