It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
