I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
