Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
