so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize