I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize