Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
