My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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