FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
