Whats the glycemic index on semen?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
