That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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