I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
