he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'm really busy with my period
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