official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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