hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
