would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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