Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
