That's intense
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
