i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The feeling are messing with the penis
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
