did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
