I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
