mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
someone owes me an orgasm
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
