I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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