11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's like a pop up book from hell.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
