He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize