it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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