PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
