I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
