I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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