so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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