He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
