All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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