I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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