Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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