A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
