They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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