So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
