my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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