She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
