But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
