I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
