just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
