Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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