Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your penis caused this!
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