I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
